Need something with big teeth to be afraid of? The St. Pete Times has had you covered this last week.

On Sunday they profiled Capt. Bill Goldschmitt, a shark fisherman with a somewhat outdated view of the shark situation in the Gulf of Mexico. In the course of the interview Capt. Goldschmitt claimed to have once almost caught Old Hitler, a giant hammerhead shark that supposedly lives in Tampa Bay.

“I had him once,” Capt. Bill says. But everything went wrong, as they do in the good fishing stories. Old Hitler was just too big — at least 18 feet long. The wind roared and lightning flashed. Capt. Bill howled at the elements. The hook straightened. Old Hitler sank below the waves.

I think we can write that off as a fish story.

In more substantial news, the Times reported today that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has given a trapper permission to kill a 10-foot long alligator that has been seen in the canals around the Roser Park area. This is a very large gator for such an urban area, and it probably would be best for the local pet population if the trapper finds it.

A quick follow up on my post a couple weeks ago about a Hepatitis C outbreak linked to a “holistic medicine” clinic in Brandon.

From the St. Petersburg Times:

For 11 years, Dr. Carol Roberts has dissected everything from homeopathic remedies to nutrition therapies on her twice-monthly alternative medicine show for Tampa community radio station WMNF-FM 88.5.

But the station on Monday placed Roberts’ show on hiatus because of a controversy over how WMNF officials and listeners learned that eight patients in her Brandon holistic medical clinic tested positive for hepatitis C last year. The incident is now under investigation by the state Health Department.

The radio station seems to be more worried about the doctor promoting her clinic, however indirectly by talking about the whole situation, rather than the efficacy of her cures. I do wish someone would find out if the patients Dr. Roberts was giving chelation therapy to were actually suffering from heavy metal poisoning, or whether Dr. Roberts was using the therapy for the more new-agey (and medically useless) purpose of cleaning unspecified and probably imaginary toxins from suckers’ patients’ bodies. Unless the patients come forward, though, we’ll never know for sure.

From the St. Petersburg Times:

A hepatitis C outbreak at a holistic medical clinic in Brandon was likely caused by the reuse of syringes on patients undergoing intravenous therapies, a state health official said Friday.

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Eight patients of Wellness Works, at 1209 Lakeside Dr., tested positive last year for hepatitis C, a contagious liver disease that can last from a few weeks to a lifetime and can cause serious damage.

The disease was passed around, it seems, among patients being given chelation therapy. That’s disturbing, because chelation therapy has a very specific use, but it’s become a favorite of quack doctors of all stripes, usually in the name of “cleansing toxins.” I guess the quacks can get away with most of the time because it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t help either, but that’s usually not an issue for something to be something in the field of “holistic healing.” And I think this case just underscores the dangers of unscientific medicine. If your quack doctors are making up therapies that don’t work they’re probably not getting the fundamentals, like using clean needles, right either.

The Tampa Theatre in Tampa, FL is a true architectural treasure. It was opened in 1926 and is largely unchanged since that time.  Its glory has faded, but its still the best places in the Tampa Bay area to see an art film or a revival. This summer I saw Creature from the Black Lagoon there, and it was great.

A story in today’s St. Pete Times called my attention to a new activity going on at the theater — paranormal activity. Being both a skeptic and a regular at the theater I’ve long known about the ghosts that are supposed to haunt the building, but now the theater is holding a regular “Ghost Hunt,” complete with EMF meters and thermometers. It sounds incredibly silly, of course, but unlike the normal daytime tour the ghost hunt allows access to the projection booth and other features in the bowels of the theater. To me that would be well worth the price of admission, though the next tour is sold out already.

I’d like to address a couple points in the Times article.

Strand proceeds to tell the story of Fink, a.k.a. Foster “Fink” Finley, who worked as a theater projectionist for 35 years before his death in 1965. A short, balding guy who took the bus to work, Fink arrived early every morning to shave and enjoy a cup of cafe con leche.

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Fink fell ill with cancer and one day collapsed in the projection booth. Two months later, he died.

The next year, strange things started happening in the theater, according to its archives. A jingling of keys. Ghost-like apparitions. The scent of old-fashioned shaving lotion.

This is the most common ghost story associated with the Tampa Theater. (There’s also a Lady in White story, but what self-respecting building of any age doesn’t have a Lady in [White/Grey/Black, choose one] story?) Leaving aside the supernatural elements, did Foster Finley, the person, really exist? The alliterative name seems a bit suspicious, especially when there is a less common version of his story that includes companion ghosts named “Hogley Higley” and “Godfrey Gidget.” Also, the theater’s very real centenarian organist is named Rosa Rio, which could be an inspiration for the alliteration of a fictional character. I did a quick look for Mr. Finley’s obit in the Tampa Tribune and couldn’t find it, and I should have the authoritative word on that soon. I’ll update this piece with what I find. [Update - I have Foster Gaines Finley's obit, from the Dec 18th, 1965 edition of the Tampa Times. While the Tampa Theatre isn't mentioned specifically, from what little info there is I wouldn't doubt that he was an employee there. "Godfrey Gidget" and "Hogley Higley," on the other hand, remain fictional.]

One guide, Bob Pierce, said two nine-volt batteries burned up in his backpack while he was in the green room. (He assured the batteries weren’t touching.) Lea Williamson, a longtime Tampa Theatre member, took some interesting photographs of orb-like objects in the mezzanine area.

I’ve got an area on my upper thigh where I can only feel a tingling sensation because I’ve had so many nine-volt batteries burn up in my pocket, especially back in high school when I used to do lots of circuit board projects. It doesn’t take much to short them, so I’m going to call that a coincidence. As to the pictures of orbs, I say that if you only have a few pictures of orbs at the Tampa Theatre, you aren’t trying. This picture is just one of the many, many orb photos I’ve taken in the theater. Those little glowing specs are without a doubt my camera flash reflecting off dust particles floating in the air. A lot of the fixtures in the theater are at least 60 or 70 years old, so there’s no shortage of stuff shedding tiny particles. I’ve also been led to believe that some camera lenses are more likely to create these anomalies, and mine happens to be one of the worst. That plus my crappy skills, and you can see orbs in most of the pictures I take there.

The Normandy Nessie has hit the big time, or at least as big as being on the inside of the Neighborhood section of the largest newspaper in the 14th largest media market in the United States allows something to be. Today the St. Petersburg Times ran a little story on Russ Sittloh and his alleged monster, under the headline “‘Big beast’ reported in Madeira Beach canal.”

MADEIRA BEACH — If you believe retiree Russ Sittloh, the canals around Crystal Island have their own version of the infamous Loch Ness Monster.

After four sightings of the mysterious creature, he is so convinced that something’s out there that he has dubbed it Normandy Nessie.

Sittloh and his wife, Betty, say they’ve seen the creature from their Normandy Road waterfront home once in the spring, again in September and twice this month.

Nessie doesn’t have a regular routine, Sittloh says, but usually swims by in midafternoon.

The couple used to watch dolphins frolic in their canal, but since Nessie arrived the dolphins have been a no-show.

“At first, I was puzzled. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then in September I thought it might be a python or some big snake. But then this month, I saw a caudal fin. He looks like he is over 30 feet long and about 15 inches in diameter. We are talking about a big beast out there,” Sittloh said.

When he told friends and neighbors about the first two sightings, he was met with skepticism and even laughter.

So he decided to prove his discovery. He spent $370 on a surveillance camera to monitor the canal from his window. He kept watch and downloaded both video and still pictures to his computer and then posted them on the Internet.

He even sent a letter to a local newspaper.

“At the risk of having everyone think I have lost it, gone bonkers or whatever, I must share this visual sighting with everyone,” he wrote.

He worries that the creature “could pose a real danger to people and small animals,” and particularly to those who swim or kayak in the canal.

Sittloh says his most recent sighting was about a week ago. The creature was in the middle of a school of baitfish, did a double roll and came back toward Sittloh with a “mouthful of fish.”

Now Sittloh’s Nessie sightings have gone viral on the Web.

Depending on how you structure your search, Google returns between 449 and 8,000 Web pages that reference “Normandy Nessie.”

Chatter on Web sites and blogs speculate on what Nessie could be. Guesses range from a large manatee to a Cretaceous-era mosasaur, a serpentine marine reptile that could reach nearly 60 feet long. Fortunately, it is extinct.

As for Sittloh’s first guess — a large python or snake — pythons can swim and have been reported in the Everglades. Presumably they are former pets turned loose by their owners.

A state-sanctioned hunting program reported capturing and killing 37 pythons this month. Officials estimate that 30,000 Burmese pythons live in the Everglades.

In July, an 8-foot pet Burmese python escaped from its terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl.

“I don’t know if we have a mutated species here or what,” Sittloh said. “Whatever he is, my God, is he big. He is some kind of big.”

Sittloh said he has warned his neighbors and called the city, but did not report the creature to the Sheriff’s Office.

“From the video, it appears most likely it is a manatee,” said Carli Segelson, media relations coordinator for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Marianne Pasha said no one else in Madeira Beach has reported seeing Nessie.

“It sounds like there is something out there, but we don’t know what it is,” she said.

I’d say these videos feature a manatee, or in the first video, possibly two. In the first video you can see the animal take a breath by poking its nose above the water, and in the second you see the animal move with the vertical undulation that typifies a mammal (reptiles undulate horizontally, so a snake is right out) and, though it’s far from the camera, even a hint of a manatee’s circular fluke. I replied to Mr. Sittloh, politely thanked him for taking the time to reply, and I laid out the case for why what’s in the video is probably a manatee. Mr. Sittloh responded with a long diatribe that was nothing but childish insults.  All things considered, I think we can assume that Normandy Nessie isn’t a giant snake or mosasaur, but rather a misidentified sea mammal.

Just a collection of stories from today’s St. Petersburg Times that caught my eye.

Writer Jerry Blizin revisits the stories he wrote about Mary Reeser back in 1951. Reeser is arguably the best documented and best known example of the non-phenomenon known as “spontaneous human combustion.” What’s interesting is that the FBI got it right at the time:

“Once the body became ignited almost complete destruction occurred from its own fatty tissues,” the FBI reported, adding that the absence of any scorching or adjacent damage was due to the fact that “heat liberated by the burning body has a tendency to rise and form a layer of hot air which never came in contact with the furnishings on the lower level.”

That’s the wick effect, since proven to be the unusual circumstance behind most of the so called spontaneous human combustion cases. Even though this good explanation has been around for more than 50 years, Reeser still shows up all the time in paranormal literature as a “mysterious” case.

Then there’s the story about a Marine reservist who attacked a priest with a tire iron. The priest, who was attacked for no other reason than pure xenophobia, reportedly doesn’t want to press charges because he wants to practice “biblical forgiveness.” I’m not sure what that means legally, but I hope the reservist is still prosecuted. Forgiveness is terrific thing to give to those who are repentant, but I’d hate to think that the priest’s interpretation of his Christian beliefs is going to allow a clearly dangerous man stay free to visit more violence on innocent people.

Finally, there’s a new bar called Club Sinn over by Williams Park, and they’re getting ready to feature scantily clad dancers. No real skeptical angle here, but I have to call attention to the following, regarding whether or not these dancers will make the bar an “adult business”:

What about a bikini, from a legal point of view? “Generally, I would say that a bikini is not a violation. There are small bikinis that are smaller than other bikinis, and those might be a violation,” said Mark Winn, the city’s chief assistant attorney. “You almost have to look at them on a case-by-case basis.”

I’m thinking that the city won’t have much trouble finding selfless public servants willing to look at each and every one of those bikinis. In context.

Satirist Andy Borowitz is now writing for the St. Pete Times, and you can read his first column here. Of interest to local skeptics:

In other news, in St. Petersburg, Mayor-elect Bill Foster’s contention that the Earth is only 6,000 years old was challenged today when it was pointed out that many residents of St. Petersburg are older than that.

Tonight on Nightline (ABC, at 11:35 pm) they’ll be featuring a story about the Church of Scientology, based on this St. Pete Times feature.