Well if that wasn’t really a dimensional portal over Norway, and if that wasn’t really the satellite discovery of the ancient ruins of Atlantis, this is definitely footage of a giant* pyramid hovering over the Kremlin, threatening to rain extraterrestrial death from the skies:

I mean come on! Who could dispute it? For god’s sake, it happened on the same night as the Norway spiral! Wake up, sheeple! So, whatever it is, it’s definitely, definitely . . . something. Some possibilities:

Extraterrestrial civilizations causing both the giant UFO pyramid over the Kremlin and the failure of the Russian Bulava missile (which led to the Norway light spiral), as a context communication message to the Russian military establishment to cease its development of intercontinental missiles.

Sure. Sounds plausible. I know if I had mastered the secrets of interstellar flight, I would base my initial vague communications on flying spirals and pyramids. Right after I got finished drawing in the wheat.

HAARP, the space-based weapon of mass destruction, caused the electromagnetic plasma light effects visible over Norway on Nov. 9, on the eve of Barack Obama’s Nobel Prize speech either as a warning to Barack Obama, or as a possible Project Blue Beam mass psychological conditioner assuming Obama is an agent of a corporate new world order.  The Kremlin pyramid UFO could be a Project Blue Beam artificial electromagnetic or plasma artifact under this hypothesis.

Yup. No unreasonable speculation there. Especially not about the research station blasting short wave with the same output power as . . . dun dun DUN! Three or four large AM radio stations! Scary. And I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anything that looks as inherently credible as that Project Blue Beam page.

[I]t could be a wormhole opening up, while others linked the event to the recent high-energy experiments undertaken at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

Uh huh. A machine decapitated by bread effects a miles-wide spiral a thousand miles away two weeks after being turned on. Of course, that was probably planned by the New World Order to lull us into a false sense of security.

A sign that the aliens have been here for millennia, like the pyramids.

I always love that these New-Age fuckwits can’t tell the difference between a square pyramid and a tetrahedron. Like the extraterrestrials are going to fly a quintillion miles here and either send inconsistent messages or screw up their geometry. “We’ve been here for millennia! But we can’t count sides.”

Whatever this slowly floating, gently wafting, wobbling object is, it is definitely not a simple balloon of some sort. Or a Photoshop job. No, it must be geometric reptillian geopolitical interpretive dance mimes. Clearly.

*The pyramid is “a mile wide,” which is impressively deduced from a video with no perspective.

There’s been a lot of buzz lately about a recent article, which proposes that the Higgs boson doesn’t want to be detected, and that some superior force is preventing it. Whether the culprit is Nature, causality, paradox, Galactus, or rogue Time Lords from Raxacoricofallapatorius, the authors claim that “unlucky” events seem to be conspiring to prevent detection of the Higgs. The gist is that, despite 45 years of intensive searching, the Higgs has gone undetected. And, even though several experiments have had the potential of detecting it, all have (so far) failed to do so, sometimes in seemingly suspicious ways.

Briefly, the Higgs boson is the last remaining undetected particle in the Standard Model, which unites all non-gravitational interactions in the universe. It would be the particle that explains why other particles have mass, by creating a molasses-like field that gives other particles traveling through it inertia. Now, the mathematics describing the laws of physics work equally well with time moving in either the forward of backwards direction – i.e., you can calculate a baseball’s final position after leaving the pitcher’s hand, or you can determine its starting position by observing it entering the catcher’s mitt. The paper’s authors conclude that, since we never seem to find the Higgs boson in the catcher’s mitt, any historical trajectory that would cause the detection of the Higgs boson is forbidden, and therefor we must always find ourselves in a present where something has conspired to prevent it. Furthermore, the authors suggest an experiment to determine whether the future is determined to prevent detection of the Higgs: Cut a million-card deck, where one card says “Don’t turn on the LHC,” and, if that card comes up, don’t turn on the LHC! (Why perform this experiment at all? Because, if we don’t give the future [or the Time Lords] a “pressure valve” – an easy way to prevent Higgs production – more drastic preventative measures may be required, such as catastrophic failure of the LHC, or production of planet-devouring black holes.)

A lot of the buzz has been backlash and loud outcries, as if the article were crankish; however, the article itself seems to have been submitted in all seriousness – it was produced by extremely well-respected physicists, the proposed mechanisms are well within established physics (or, at least, non-forbidden physics, which, according to Murray Gell-Mann, means that they’re compulsory), and it was published in an acceptable venue and manner (i.e., not a Pons & Fleischmann press conference).

I am not criticizing the authors of the paper or claiming that their article was fallacious. Speculative ideas – even wildly speculative ideas – have a distinguished tradition and a valuable place in the scientific process. Quantum mechanics in particular is notoriously non-intuitive – Niels Bohr once said, when asked if an idea was crazy, “We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question that divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct.”

The problem with this (admittedly fun) paper is that the data set proposed to speculate interference from the future is incredibly sparse: The cancellation of the Superconducting Supercollider after an expenditure of several billion dollars, the shutdown of the LEP just before possible Higgs detection, and the malfunctioning of the LHC upon startup due to electrical shorts. And this also doesn’t take into account the extreme difficulty of detecting the Higgs, nor the extreme expense and complexity of the machines and projects constructed to do so. The LHC is probably the largest, most complex, most intricate machine ever built by mankind – I hardly think it requires such unlikely speculation to explain why it failed during its first trial run; I’m sure it will have many more technical glitches over its lifespan, some serious and some severe.

Of course, since the LHC has now once again been fully cooled to below the temperature of deep space, and particles have now been injected into the main ring in anticipation of the first collisions in a few weeks, I guess the proof will soon be in the pudding.